i'm sarah wagner, chicago, †.
i track the tag "whalesarelove"

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"People always say, “Come on just smile and be happy.” Don’t you think if it was that easy I would be doing that already? It’s not. Society fucks you up and people around you bring you down and mentally I’m not the most stable. And people may handle it different ways, mine happens to be drowning every one out and being sad. Let me be that, ok. Let me be sad. Don’t try to “fix” me. There’s nothing to be fixed. That’s life. Life has it’s sad moments just like it has happy ones."

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you never realize how alone you really are until you’re laying in your bed alone. you’re walking in the hall way, alone. you’re driving your car, alone. you’re living on your own, alone. you’re growing up, alone. you’re getting older, alone. you’re dying, alone.

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"

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to all his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him
a Valentine signed with a row of X’s
and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Autumn”
because that was the name of the season
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And something they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Innocence: A Question”
because that was the question about his girl
And that’s what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle’s Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but her kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it “Absolutely Nothing”
Because that’s what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn’t think
he could reach the kitchen.

"
the perks of being a wallflower

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things aren’t the same when you’re not happy darling, smile because that’s all i’ve been waiting to see

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i wonder if i’m ever gonna be normal again. if i’m ever gonna smile and actually be happy. i wonder if i’m ever gonna be happy with the way i look, or happy with the way i am. i wonder if i’ll ever wake up in the morning and not want to change something about myself. i wonder if i’ll ever be confident again.

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ok so i have a flag football game tonight for homecoming week and i hate all the girls so i’m going to tackle them by “accident” and say i didn’t know. lol oops

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if i blog young bury me in followers lay me down on a dashboard of hipsters

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  • Freshman: OMG! I'm going to wear all my new clothes! OMG I'm so excited to wear my new jeans and my new shirt! OMG OMG OMG I CAN'T WAIT!
  • Me: where are my sweat pants..

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going to bed, and leaving for florida in the morning, i’ll try to post stuff, but otherwise i’ll be back thursday night. :* love you 

the internet makes me so sad yet so happy at the same time

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have you ever been on the verge of crying but you just can’t because you don’t want to let yourself down. Because once you start crying you know you won’t be able to stop and then if someone sees you you know you’ll be showing them how weak you really are. 

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feel like crying right now because everything sucks

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it sucks because at night i realize how alone i am. and i get sad and feel like i shouldn’t be here. i actually don’t want to be here anymore. i’m not here for anyone or anything anymore. i feel so shitty it’s unbelievable. sorry for ranting guys /:

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Can’t believe someone would kik me this like why people why. Where is your sanity.
I mean I though he was gonna say something else…